Milestones Blog 13

Well, more than 5 months in, and some milestones have been reached over the past few weeks.

Bath:  Gracie now enjoys a bath.  Well, when I say “enjoy”, what I actually mean is that she doesn’t scream the place down any more.  I think I maybe had the water too cold before.  And if she’s already in a bad mood, not even a warm bath will calm her down.  The discovery came when she’d down a spectacularly messy poo one morning, and my husband was unsure where to start in the cleanup operation.  I decided to run a bath, and put her in it, regardless of the screams that were inevitably going to accompany the task.  To my surprise, she accepted the bath without comment, and looked faintly bewildered by it all.  Since then, we’ve had a few more, just to check that it wasn’t a one-off….

The cot:  OK, so she still won’t sleep in her cot, but she will entertain herself in it, which is progress.  I’ve bought some accessories – a light show projector type thing that shows Winnie the Pooh pictures on the ceiling, and a rainforest mobile, which she is fascinated by.  It has bought me time throughout the day, which is great.  It makes soothing rainforest noises, which she seems to like.  There are musical options too, but I’ve ignores those so far.  And, the mobile comes with a remote control!!

She’s much more aware of what’s going on now, and she knows exactly when to turn on the charm with people!  She’ll be all smiles when required, it’s very cute…It’s crazy to think that just 5 months ago, she was in an incubator.

The fact that she was premature means that you can’t use the normal timeline for development.  Obviously she’s not quite at the right stage for her actual age, but she’s slightly ahead of her corrected age.  It’s actually quite nice to not have to worry about it, and just enjoy watching her progress.  She’s becoming more and more independent by the day.

When I’m out and about, and I see people with toddlers, I try and imagine Gracie in a few years’ time.  I try and picture us going to the park, or to the shops, but it seems like such a long way off, even though I know it isn’t.  It seems like she’ll be a baby forever…

Nice to have some postnatal interests... Blog 12 23/2/10

My local cinema does Parent & Baby screenings, so I went along today.  Wow.  It’s so cool to be able to go to the cinema, with baby, and not have to worry about whether she’s going to start crying and disturb people or not.  As it turns out, she was very well behaved, and hardly cried at all.  The house lights are kept on so that you can see what you’re doing should baby need changing or anything, it’s great.
It used to be every fortnight, but they’re thinking of turning it into a weekly event.  It was “The Lovely Bones” today, or “Valentine’s Day”.  I chose “Lovely Bones”.

I’m starting to have a schedule now, doing various activities with Gracie, and I’m loving it.  Now is a good time to start some hobbies I think, and there’s a knitting group near me on a Tuesday afternoon.  Yes, I’ve started knitting, encouraged by mums from my First Parent Group.  We went on an excursion to Romford (!) to buy wool and needles.  I haven’t knitted since I was about 10, I followed instructions on how to cast on, and miraculously remembered how to knit.  I don’t remember how to purl, I’ll teach myself that another day.  I’m going to start by just knitting some squares and see how I get on.  I think my first square is already looking wonky….My plan is to sew some squares together and make a hat.

I’d also like to start baking, but my husband rightly pointed out that, if I have time to bake, I should probably use the time more effectively to do something else.  As it turns out, there are loads of reasons why I can’t do any baking.  For a start, I have no baking tins.  Not one.  Nor do I have the ingredients, although I could of course buy some….

The main obstacle to my starting to bake is the fact that Gracie still needs a lot of attention and needs contact quite a lot of the time still.  I put her in the sling sometimes, but it’s kind of difficult to bend down or cook with it on.  And it’s tricky to sit down.  Even now, as I type, she’s asleep on my chest.  She looks so cute.  I also know that, as she gets older and becomes more independent, she won’t want to do this anymore, so even though it can be inconvenient at times, I’m making the most of these months.

Well, that’s it for now.  Madam needs changing and feeding…..

Back in the journal-writing saddle Blog 11 1/2/10

So, 16 weeks in and still loving motherhood.  Even though there’s so much I didn’t know before I began.  I’ve definitely learned that health professionals don’t know it all, and that books are only a guide and are frequently useless.

It’s been a while since my last journal. It’s not because I haven’t had anything to write, more that I’ve had too much.  Where to start documenting what’s been going on since Gracie’s been home?

Gracie’s corrected age is 6 weeks.  She’s doing well, following objects with her eyes, feeding lots, smiling, and expecting lots of cuddles.  She’s demanding, but very, very cute.

She doesn’t like sleeping in her crib – in fact, she’s not very good at sleeping alone full stop.  The sling that I bought gets used a fair bit round the house – it’s the only way I can get anything done.  It’s a bit tricky when bending down and things, but we manage.

We all know that our lives will change when we have a child, but we can never guess how much.  I never knew I could survive on uninterrupted sleep, and yet, I’m getting more than I thought I would.  I imagined she’d be an angel and fall into a routine immediately, but I was wrong there.  Patterns are emerging though, so a routine will come when she’s ready.

I can’t imagine life without her, it’s like she’s always been here.

We’ve been getting out and about – Baby Communication sessions, Baby Yoga, First Parent Group.  There’s quite a lot out there, but you have to be proactive to find it.  My local pub is baby-friendly during the day, so there’s somewhere I can take friends for lunch when they visit.

Visitors – wow.  My husband and I have had more visitors in the last 3 months than we’ve ever had in the whole 3 years we’ve lived in our current flat.  It’s amazing what babies do to people.  The grandmas would travel anywhere to spend just a few moments with her.  And the presents!!!  The best piece of advice I was given when I was pregnant was “don’t buy anything until you’re absolutely sure you need it”.  This turned out to be fantastic advice, because so much has been bought for us.  We’ve barely bought any clothes for Gracie, and we’re not going to need to for ages.  It’s also good advice because there’s a lot of stuff out there that we really don’t need.

Today is Monday – weigh-in day.  Gracie was 8lb 2oz last week, so hopefully she’s still gaining.  She looks bigger, most definitely.  I find it weird that some babies are born at Gracie’s weight.  I can’t imagine her being inside me at this size!!

Well, this entry is just to get back into the habit.  I’ll be writing again soon.  Now is time to get her in the sling before I need to feed her again…!

The delights of breastfeeding Blog 10 15/12/09

’m no earth mother, but I did have rather romantic ideas about breastfeeding.  I imagined myself lovingly getting my boob out, my baby latching on whilst I gazed at her gaining her nourishment.  Nobody told me that the reality isn’t quite like that.

Blimey, breastfeeding is hard.  Gracie needs help getting the nipple into her mouth, then, once there, can spend anything from 10 minutes to an hour on the breast. I have to make sure she’s taken enough into her mouth, otherwise it hurts like hell (It’s bad enough that my breasts feel slightly sore all the time now – not in a painful way or anything, but it’s there.  Apparently, cabbage works wonders, but I haven’t tried that yet.) And she’ll often take breathers – clearly, feeding from the breast is thirsty work….

Breastfeeding a premature baby has challenges.  For a start, when Gracie was born, the sucking reflex wasn’t there, so she was fed through a tube.  If you were given the choice between being fed automatically, or having to work for it, what would you do?  When I started to feed on demand in the hospital, Gracie was on 65ml every 4 hours.  There was no way I could compete with that.  Now of course, I find it incredible that she was able to take 4 hours’ worth of milk – her stomach’s still so tiny.

As the mother of a preemie, I felt like I had to breastfeed.  In normal circumstances, my views on breastfeeding are neutral.  I think it is absolutely a mother’s choice how she feeds her baby, and the most important thing is that the baby is fed.  But when your little one is in Special Care, you can’t help but feel slightly useless.  The bond that develops while feeding your baby (whether by breast or bottle) isn’t there, so you feel the need to do something.  Hence my spending 5 weeks expressing so that Gracie could be fed my milk whilst in the incubator.

In SCBU, everything is measured.  So breastfeeding, and not knowing how much the baby is getting is hard.  What if she’s not getting enough?  I don’t know how much milk Gracie gets from me, but she’s gaining weight (in spite of seemingly throwing up most of it!!), so I guess she’s getting enough.

One thing about spending time in SCBU is that there is lots of help available.  When I talk to mothers of term babies, they got nowhere near the advice and support that I did.  This makes a huge difference.  I honestly think that, if I were left to my own devices, I may well have given up.

What you don’t get advice on, however, is the indignity of leakage. Coming out of the shower is a race against time.  And the other day, my right breast just started spouting on its own!!  I was just about to feed Gracie, and off it went, in a perfect arc…
And breast pads are rubbish!  They never stay in place, and they itch.  And why would I want to wear a bra at night?  I really hate waking up with wet patches on my pyjamas.  I’ve taken to wearing a tankini top – as it’s made mainly of lycra, it dries really quickly.  I think if someone can come up with nightwear that allows for leakage, as well as easy nursing, they could make a fortune….

She's home! Blog 9 9/12/09

Well! After nearly 6 weeks, Gracie came home from SCBU.  That was just over 2 weeks ago, and I’m really happy.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a journal, but I’m determined to get back into the habit.  My husband’s back at work and I’m left to fend for myself.

But first, a quick update on what’s been happening:
Gracie was progressing well in SCBU, and before I knew it (well, not quite!), the doctors decided that it was time for the feeding tube to come out.  As the tube came out, I breastfed on demand – what an adventure that was!.  Gracie was on 65ml every 4 hours through the tube, then had to switch to me.  Miraculously, she didn’t starve, and although it was tough going, after two nights in SCBU with her, I was allowed to take her home.

That was 2 and a half weeks ago.  Since then, we’ve been settling her in at home.  She refuses to sleep in her crib, so, contrary to many books, she’s in with us.  She sleeps on my chest, which works for us all.  We put her in her cot for short periods to get her used to it, and at the moment she still hates it.  She’s getting used to her bouncer though, so that’s a start.

There are a few things she doesn’t like at the moment.  She doesn’t like it if she’s not being cuddled, and she HATES having her nappy changed – she screams the house down.  I’ve been assured by other mothers that this will pass.  I hope so!!  In fact, any kind of disturbance when she’s comfortable doesn’t go down well….
She’s also incredibly impatient.  Once she’s hungry, she expects to be fed at that very second – we’re gradually teaching her that she can wait a little bit!

Every day is a mini adventure, but that’s motherhood I guess.  She’s putting on weight (she’s now 5lb 7oz), but, as a preemie, it’s hard to know at what rate she should be developing.  I’m surprised at how little developmental guidance there is around for premature babies.  Once she’s past her due date, I can use her correctional age as a guide, but before that, what to do?  She 8 weeks old, but not actually due to be born for another 2 weeks, so what should she be doing?  I’m not one for getting hung up on things like this, but I sometimes feel that it would be nice to know.

We have our postnatal check today.  I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I’m really not used to all the visits involved when you have a child.  I’m lucky enough to never really need the doctor – I’ve been to my GP about 3 times in the last 10 years – so having to go to all these appointments is incredibly alien to me.

Anyway, this journal is basically a catch-up, and I’ll go back to trying to write more regularly again.  But basically, Gracie is home and doing well….

More than 3 weeks done in SCBU... Blog 8 4/11/09

So, this is Gracie’s 23rd day in SCBU, and she’s doing well.  She’s out of the incubator, and now in an incubated cot.  She’s drinking 28ml of my breastmilk every 2 hours, and breathing by herself.  I’m very proud of her.  The thing about having a baby in Special Care is the need to constantly manage expectations.  Just because your baby is doing well one day, doesn’t mean that there won’t be a setback the next day.  You have to be grateful for each little breakthrough, and celebrate that each day.  I must admit I’m always slightly nervous turning up each day – what if she’s back in the incubator?

Gracie now being in a cot is a little bit misleading.  It helps to normalise things, and she looks like a “regular” baby, just smaller.  But I then keep looking at her and wanting her home, but she’s not ready yet.  When I see her sleeping in her cot, I imagine her sleeping in a cot at home. When she was in an incubator, it was much easier to see and accept that she couldn’t come home. I can’t wait to be able to take her for walks or cuddle her in front of the telly!

I still don’t know how much longer she’ll be in for.  She’s at 33 weeks now, so I guess she’ll be in for a few more weeks yet, as she’s still being fed through a tube.  Breastfeeding will be the next step.  She’s gaining weight too, which is good.  She’s now 1.87kg (4lb 2oz), which is great.

I’m waiting for a delivery of some baby stuff today.  I’ve ordered a crib, a carrier/sling, and a buggy.  I’m not sure how I’ll feel about having all that in the flat, with no baby to put in them – hopefully it’ll help me to remember that she’ll be home soon.

People have been so kind throughout all of this.  It’s really nice to know that friends are so supportive.  Gracie already has lots of clothes bought for her, ready for when she’s a bit bigger, and so many people have offered help, it’s so nice.  It makes dealing with it all that little bit easier.  Mind you, this is our first child, so we don’t really know any different.  But everyone’s kindness, coupled with the fantastic nurses at the Unit, and it’s quite overwhelming sometimes.

I’m expressing 7 times a day for her – every 3 hours, but not in the middle of the night.  I will have to soon, but I’m waiting for as long as I can.  I am starting to struggle to produce the amount she needs, but I’ve got some milk frozen, so I’ve got a bit of time.

I’ve got a bit of a routine now at least.  I do things round the house in the morning, then go up to the hospital after lunch.  I usually stay until after my evening express, and it’s still really hard leaving her.  Still, every day that she’s in SCBU, she’s getting stronger and it’s another day closer to her coming home.

The waiting game: 2 weeks done Blog 7 27/10/09

Gracie has now been in SCBU for two weeks.  It feels like so much longer.  She’s being well looked after, but I still can’t believe she could be in for another 8 weeks.  She’s had visitors (including the grandmas), and everyone has commented on how gorgeous she is.

She had a bit of a setback on Friday – she was put on a ventilator, and she had a suspected infection in her tummy.  She had to be taken off my milk, but obviously, I have to keep expressing.  Our freezer is now absolutely filled with breast milk.  It’s only a small freezer, and we’ve had to eat all our frozen food to make more space (carrots with every meal anyone???).  I’ve also got some in the freezer at the hospital.  She’s back on tiny amounts, but she was being sick, so they may suspend it again.

Thankfully she’s now on the mend, and these little setbacks are common, but it’s still hard.  I’d really like her home, but I know she’s not ready.  And more to the point, neither are we!!  We’ve got so little ready for her arrival.  I’ve selected a Moses basket and a baby carrier though, so we’re getting there slowly.  We’ve received some clothes as presents, and we don’t want to go mad on those because we don’t know what size she’ll be by the time we get to dress her….

We can’t cuddle her at the moment because she’s still too poorly, but we can hold her hand – and change her nappy!!  Not that easy with all the wires and stuff – and she’s a wriggler, which doesn’t help.  Her dad has refused to change her nappy until there are fewer wires in the way!!!  It’s good to see her wriggling about though – on Friday she was sedated, and it was difficult to see.

Waiting is difficult, but I have to remember that I’m not the first person to go through this, not will I be the last.  2 weeks down, 8 to go – that’s 20% completed.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint, but we’ll get there.  Every day is one step closer.

What a week! My waters broke 10 weeks early Blog 6 16/10/09

So – lots to tell.  Embarrassingly, my waters broke whilst I was walking along Regent Street.

I was wearing jeans, and the wet patch got bigger and bigger.  I had to dive into Top Shop and buy some leggings.  I then went to McDonalds to change, and it was a torrent.  Not what I was expecting at 29 weeks!!  Anyway, by the time I got to work, my leggings were soaked through.  I borrowed a pair of knickers (thanks Denise!), and some jogging bottoms (thanks Amy!!), and got taken to UCH hospital in a taxi.

Hours later, I was transferred to my hospital (Whipps Cross) where I was made to stay until someone decided what to do with me.  A consultant I saw was convinced that the baby would arrive in a few days.  I wasn’t so sure.

Hospitals are boring places, I thought I was going to go mad.  My hopes were raised on Sunday though – I’d had no contractions, so I was looking forward to going home.  Things were going to be difficult I knew – I was still leaking, so my life was going to have to change a bit.  I had no idea how much….

2.30 am, Monday morning, I woke up with stomach pain.  Yes, you guessed it, they were contractions.  To cut a long, painful story short, at 8.28 am, I gave birth to Gracie Ruby.  She weighed 3lb, 7oz, and she is gorgeous.  She’s being well looked after in the Special Care Baby Unit, and I miss her terribly – it’s going to be weeks before I can bring her home.

The next few weeks are going to be tough for me – you always assume that when you go into hospital to have a baby, you’ll leave the hospital with her….

"What about the Olympics eh?" Blog 5 5/10/09

So, 3 appointments in a week!  OK, so one was with the hairdresser, but even so….

First up, the midwife for my 28 week appointment.  No surprises – blood pressure fine, baby fine.  All good.

Then, my anti-D injection.  Having a rhesus negative blood type (it's A neg, since you’re wondering), I have to have an injection at 28 weeks.  I phoned the hospital a couple of weeks ago, to check that an appointment had been made.  They have a habit of making appointments for me, and not letting me know.  I was right, they’d booked me in, except that the appointment was for 24th December, several days after my due date…  As I’m not a particularly neurotic person, I find this kind of comedy shambles quite amusing – but I live in a multicultural borough, and if English wasn’t my first language, I’m not sure I’d be quite so relaxed about it all.  They also neglected to tell me that I needed to turn up an hour beforehand to get a blood test done – thankfully, my lovely midwife mentioned that, and gave me the necessary form.

As such, when something happens in my antenatal care (like when a midwife tried to accuse me of being late for an appointment when I blatantly wasn’t), I find myself sighing and saying “what if English wasn’t my first language, eh?” Likewise, whenever there’s some kind of public transport disaster in my home area of east London, I say “What about the Olympics, eh?”
My late father-in-law’s favourite was in relation to difficult-to-open wrappers, jars etc.: “What if you were blind, eh?”

But I digress…

That’s it for appointments for a while.  I’m back at the midwife when I’m 34 weeks, which is AGES away, November.  My antenatal, sorry, Parentcraft (!) classes start then too.  Then I’ll really be on countdown.

Oh, and my hairdresser’s appointment was fine, even though she thought I was coming a week later, and was subsequently doing someone else’s hair when I arrived.  Dear me – what if English wasn’t my first language, eh?!

I'm glad he's tking an interest but...Blog 4 27/9/09

We all want the perfect pregnancy – ideal birth, model baby, well-informed and attentive partner.

Pregnancy can be difficult for partners.  I’ve been lucky enough to have a fairly straightforward pregnancy.  I didn’t have morning sickness, and I haven’t really gained any weight either – from the back I look pretty much unchanged.  I think that sometimes things like this can make it difficult for partners to remember that we’re not necessarily ourselves….

My Dear Husband, although supportive, has been quite passive so far throughout my pregnancy.  This is fine – he turns up at scans as required, and pretends to listen to me whilst I bang on about something completely trivial that’s bothering me.  Sometimes, ignorance is bliss – if he doesn’t know too much, he won’t feel the need to question everything.  However, things have now taken a more, er…..”interactive” turn.

It all seemed to coincide with my friend lending me a book that she found useful in her pregnancy: “the Bloke’s Guide to Pregnancy”.  I left it out for DH thinking he may find it useful, and understand a little bit more about what I was going through.  Much as I’m pleased that he seems to have a better grasp of everything, he does seem to have turned into Miriam Stoppard….

I’ve not really had any cravings, but I have become slightly partial to Muller Light yoghurt.  Probably my body craving calcium I hear you say, no big deal.  Oh no.  It’s a calcium deficiency of epic proportions – the only solution is to drink milkshakes at every opportunity, and have Horlicks every night!

If I make plans to do things, he is now constantly asking me whether I should really be doing them, as I should be resting – this is the same man who thinks that I’ll never develop the nesting instinct because I’m too lazy….!

If I suggest something that he finds odd, or doesn’t agree with, it’s obviously down to my mood swings, and pregnancy is affecting my brain.  According to “the book”, this is what happens to pregnant women.  As is heartburn – like I didn’t already know!

There is an upside of course – DH can be grateful that I’m not eating chalk or bricks or anything….

Make a list...Blog no.3 18/9/09

I’ve started a list of books I’m going to read to my child.
Very hungry caterpillar
Mr Men
When we were very young
Now we are 6
Winnie the Pooh
The house at Pooh Corner
Where the wild things are
The Gruffalo
Charlie and Lola
Green eggs and ham
I’m sure this will grow but these are the definites so far.  I read a lot of Ladybird books as a kid, but I’m not sure I want my child to read them as I had a rather upsetting experience some 20 years later….

Do you remember Chicken Licken?  The idiot chicken who thinks the sky is falling in when an acorn falls on his head?  Well, he goes off to tell the King, and on the way passes various farmyard animals (like Henny Penny and Goosey Loosey) and they all make their way to the King.  Anyway, they eventually meet Foxy Loxy (you can tell where this is going, as traditionally the fox is always the villain of the piece).  Foxy Loxy, being the only animal with a brain cell, knows that the sky isn’t falling in, and ends up lulling Chicken Licken into a false sense of security and then eating him.
Many years later, I came across the same story in my little brothers’ book collection.  Imagine my absolute horror to discover that the ending had been rewritten.  The fox didn’t eat anybody, and they all had a party at the King’s palace.  Complete and utter nonsense.  Maybe I should start a list of books that I disapprove of, and don’t want my child being exposed to.

I think lists are going to feature quite heavily in the next few months.  My husband and I have finally even started a baby names list.  Admittedly, it’s not very long, but I think that’s a good thing.  There are 2 boys names, and 6 girls (although one would be a middle name, and one’s a “bit middle class”.  I also thought one was too chavvy, but I’ve since revised my opinion on that one).  One of the most important things about choosing a name is whether it stands up to the “Tesco test”.  How would it sound if you had to shout it out in Tesco on a busy Saturday afternoon?  If it makes you sound like a lout, then choose again.

I’ve got a “Clubs & offers” list.  This is a list of all freebies and things I can send off for, like money-off vouchers.
Then there’s the “Stuff to buy” list.  Well there’ll be a few of those.  Stuff for the baby. stuff for the flat etc.  I think I’ll start those another day though.

Blimey, all this talk of lists is exhausting.  It makes me think of action, and being organised, and forward planning.  Is this what motherhood is all about? It is????  Oh dear me……

The joys of pregnancy and public transport Blog 2 14/9/09

So – after 6 weeks and 3 requests, I’m STILL waiting for my Baby on Board badge from Transport for London (TfL).
For those of you who don’t know, TfL provide free Baby on Board badges for pregnant mothers, the idea being that it stops us from having to ask for a seat, and fellow passengers don’t have to play the “is she fat or pregnant?” game.  In other words, a Baby on Board badge is a convenient way of shaming selfish passengers into giving up their seat for you on the Underground.

It’s always really interesting to observe which people are likely to offer you a seat, and which ones absolutely won’t.  Obviously, it’s very easy to ignore people on the tube – I’ve done it myself – engrossed in a book or magazine, everyone can be blocked out.  But it is frustrating when you see people look at you, and then hide behind their newspaper as if they didn’t notice you. 

So who are the worst offenders?  Is it the ASBO-collecting youths, with their hoodies, and loud MP3 players? Not at all.  Generally speaking, the sort of people you think would never give up their seats are the ones that do.  The very worst are older men, the kind that wear suits and look as if they work in the City.  My husband reckons this is because they are of a generation where pregnant women didn’t really travel in rush hour (presumably too busy enjoying their Confinement reading Catherine Cookson novels or something), so they don’t know how to react.  Even if this is true, it’s an appalling excuse, but I think he may be quite close to the mark.  To make another sweeping generalisation about this group of people, it could be linked to the fact that they believe that, if we  women want to get pregnant, but still continue to work and travel on the tube as normal, then we should be prepared to put up with all that entails, including having to stand for the whole of the journey.  It could of course, be neither of those things – they may just happen to be the rudest.  The next worst group seems to be women under 25.  And no, I don’t have the remotest idea why – all theories welcome.

Who are the most generous then?  Well, I’d say men aged 20-40, (the age range most likely to be expectant fathers), closely followed by men in their late teens.

But what about the women?  What about sympathy from the sisterhood?  Apart from the under-25s briefly mentioned above, the reactions from women vary wildly.  Some are quick to offer their seat, some deliberately refuse.

I’ve now started playing a game – how many stops will I have to travel before someone gives up their seat?  According to a survey carried out in 2005, the average stops a pregnant women in London has to travel before this happens is 5.  I’m doing better than that, so I should be pleased really, but I think the Central Line is one of the more courteous lines on the tube network.

It will be interesting to see whether things improve with the wearing of my badge.  I doubt it, but will keep you posted – if it ever arrives….

Here goes...Blog no. 1 7/9/09

I consider myself quite laid back about this whole pregnancy thing.  DH and I haven’t had the discussion about names yet – probably won’t until the day it’s born, knowing us!  I haven’t been tempted to buy anything either.  Bump’s not due till December, so plenty of time.  I’ve got a Maclaren baby bouncer though – donated by a friend.

I’m currently updating my work calendar – each day will be a reminder of how many days till D Day.  As you can imagine, this takes quite a lot of effort, and is a big job, especially as I’m supposed to be actually working.  I’m doing it bit by bit.  Haven’t got very far yet.

I suppose I should say a bit about me: 36, been with DH 14 years (but only got married last year – we like to take our time).  Work in publishing, and also a musician.  Due 16th December, although the hospital thinks it’s the 20th.  Having a baby round then is great, it means we don’t have to make any Christmas plans, it’s effectively cancelled.  I’d been looking for an excuse to bail out of Christmas, this is by far the most effective!  Don’t know what flavour we’re having, neither of us wanted to know.

I’ve never really written a journal before – I don’t usually have the patience.  My main reason for doing so is to stop me talking to myself, and having an outlet, instead of letting all these thoughts whizz round in my head.  I’ve no idea how long this will last, but I think I’m going to try and keep this up, at least for a bit.  I might even try and make it interesting, but I can’t guarantee that – I’m not that interesting a person!